Little Things in Big Places

One month and counting till my RNY GB-WLS.  Yup, there's a mouthful.  Literally.  So this post will be dry and maybe a bit bitter like a good wine.  What is RNY GB-WLS? It's a Roux en-Y Gastric Bypass Weight Loss Surgery.  Hereon called my WLS.  This procedure is done thru 4 or 5 laproscopic holes in the abdomen (small things in BIG places) and aside from a new set of rules to follow, will allow me to re-embrace life. 

People who have never really fought the fight with weight just don't understand.  Diets work short term, as does working out.  My buddy Mike and I were religious about going to the gym and working out HARD for 4 or so months.  All I did was stay flat...the weight stayed the same and my muscles got big.  not huge, but definitely noticeable.  I'm still strong but I weigh one hell of a lot more now than I did then.  Proof again that lifestyle and diet are not the only keys to the battle.  sometimes genetics play a BIG role - both my families sides are large people - EXCEPT for my mom and dad.  They got the recessive genes.  We used to joke that my dad had a tapeworm.  He could put some food away...and yet he's never been over 190.  I doubt he's ever been over 180...not even in the height of his physical peak in the late 70's-early 80's in the USAF.  

What am I gonna miss?  

Holiday feasts, stuffing, ice cream, sweet things (i don't like alot of them...but once in a while I really like a good brownie), being able to chug some water...beer...diet pepsi...

I'm gonna miss standing in the spectator crowd while my sons ride the amusement park rides.  It's gonna be a real drag not being able to take their pics while I ride the roller coaster next to them.  It's gonna SUCK not being able to see the fishing boat drift out into the lake with my sons on it because I'm so caught up in the shore shrinking away.  I might miss being able to rest a beer on my belly when sitting in a camping chair.  Picking belly button lint used to be a comforting thing for me.  Scratching that big ol' buddha was pretty relaxing and felt very manly too.  I'm gonna miss being the poster boy for a Swanson Hungry Man meal.  I'm really gonna miss checking for load limit stickers on chairs at friends houses.  Blowing the airsoles out in running shoes.  Sweaty moobs. 

Until you are fat, you never really grasp just what a bad place the underbelly of the world is...I have one now...and the underbelly is a bad bad place.  I'm going to miss taking all them blood pressure drugs.  I'm gonna miss making my kids rough-house with me in the living room on the floor because I could not chase them.. They are SCREWED.  I'm gonna miss my pack of hot dogs on the back of my head that makes it hard for me to do my own hair cuts.  I'm gonna miss cutting my own hair.  I'm gonna miss judging a meal by the size of the plate.  I'll miss being Big Jay.  I'm gonna miss calling my skinny friends to come over and climb the ladder to clean out my gutters and fix my house because i can't find a ladder that has a 400lb weight limit.  I'm gonna miss walking on the roof for fear that I'll fall thru.  Telling - and hearing - all the fat jokes.  People assuming that I want that last piece of pizza.  I'm gonna miss not having the will power to pass up that piece.  I'm gonna miss the way my ankles swell up.  I'm gonna miss buying a new bed mattress every 5 years because my wife and I wear it out.  I'm gonna miss the way my wife turns me down because we must appear like walrus' getting their groove on.  Yeah, and I'm really gonna miss mis the hot sloppy walrus sex when she doesn't turn me down.  I'm gonna miss wearing out the mattress from sleeping on it.  I'm really gonna miss the way I can feel that slab of back fat whip around my side when I throw a football to my oldest son.  He's 5 now...I hope he doesn't miss his "fat daddy" and grows to like his new daddy quickly...I'm sure he will as it will be alot easier to keep up with him.

I only hope that once I'm back to my highschool size/weight that my personality makes up for the stage presence I have.  I hope I never become bitter because of the way the world treats obese people.  I hope that others can look to me for hope and guidance to a healthier lifestyle.  I hope that I can still eat venison...some people have strange inabilities to digest certain "favorite" foods post-op.  I hope I can afford all the new clothes.  I'm gonna miss spending $20 extra per pair of anything because it's in a 3 or 4x size.   I'm gonna miss joking about shopping at Ahmad the Tent Maker for my clothing.   I'm gonna miss being able to give the scary fat guy stare at people to intimidate them.   I'm gonna miss them thinking "what the heck is that fat fawker staring at?"...

I'm gonna miss being a fat fawker.  

Yeah right....I'm a walking Dodge commercial right now.  Grab Life by the Horns! :)